My First few hours in Barcelona: Catalan and Bidets

Yes... that title contains the word "bidet", we'll get to that.

I was lucky enough to get a call from Tracy and Patty Blank to work one of their largest events for a fourth time and this time around, the job was in Barcelona, Spain. As a teacher, the idea of being flown overseas to do anything is pretty foreign so I didn't hesitate to say yes when they called.

The flights weren't anything to speak of. The domestic flight to NYC was actually nicer than the Int'l flight, which surprised me given my past experiences. Long flights and it was nice to land in Spain and be done with the uncomfortable seats, the cramped conditions, the dry air, and the swollen ankles.

The tired face says it all but I was happy to arrive. The first thing I noticed was that the signs were in Spanish but they weren't... then I noticed the same about the the spoken language. The language here is Catalan, very close to Spanish, but looks and sounds more French or Italian. Many of us know to say "Barthelona" but that inflection extends way beyond the name of the city. You can hear it with almost everything they say.

On the cab ride over I tried to strike up a conversation with the driver but he didn't speak English. "Hablas Ingles?" I asked. "Un poc" he replied. When he left the "o" off of poco I realized he spoke Catalan. So in my best Spanish I started asking him about Barcelona and he got really chatty.

We passed this cool cemetery called Montjuic. You can't help but notice it as it decorates the entire mountainside as you leave the airport and head for the coastal hotels. Now I'm going off of my bad Spanish as I tried to piece together his Catalan but I think he told me the cemetery is about 200 years old and only for the very old Barcelona families. For the newer families (those under 200 years) you get to be buried somewhere else (suck it, slobs). Montjuic is a series of crypts and tombs stacked 5 or 6 high that you get shoved into. I plan on making the tour there when I'm on my own so I'll have more info later... or you can Google it.

The Hotel is the Hotel Arts Barcelona and it is fantastic. Real 5 Star gig. I pull up in the private car and people start kissing my ass immediately. Now, I'm not one to say no to good ass-kissing but honestly, it was making me feel like I'm a somebody and I just wanted to tell all of these young and attractive Europeans that I was there to work. I kept my mouth shut and enjoyed the moment.

My room is nice. It has a nice view of the Placa dels Voluntaris Olimpicas fountain constructed to commemorate the 1992 Olympics. So my first morning here I noticed it was running. Then at 11am it started doing its thing and I thought maybe there was some water show about to begin (thank you Vegas for making me think water features are supposed to entertain *sarcasm*). I sat near my window like an idiot for 10 minutes waiting for something more than what you see here to happen. Yeah... it never happened. Still a pretty fountain, though.

Now comes the good part. When I went into my bathroom I was immediately pleased by the large tub of which I plan to make copious use. Wine or beer, a bath, and some shows I've downloaded onto my tablet go very well together after long hours of being chained to this computer. OK, so the tub is nice. Now I gotta pee. I open the door to the separate toilet room and I see a bidet. I giggled out loud. This is the first time in my life a bidet has presented itself for use and it just so happened I was ready to test it.

The experience was magical, my friends. Were I to go into detail Holly would shake her head in shame and Kari would say "Of course he worked poop into a blog" (she's gonna say that anyway). I will pine for one of these eternally, my friends. I was pleased to see they left a bar of soap and a hand towel in there for my convenience. I certainly found them convenient. Thank you Spain for something I will remember for the rest of my life.




<----------- Yes, please!